When I found out I was pregnant with my firstborn I had all these visions of what motherhood would look like - these visions became clearer when I found of I was having a girl... I saw everything so clearly!
I pictured sweet exchanges of hugs and kisses, "yes mama" to requests I would make, and a loving relaxed relationship between the two of us.
For the most part, things played out his way but even today some of them require putting in work and using the skills I learned through my parenting coach - YES, I had a parenting coach and an infinite amount of tools and resources to help me be a better parent!
As Ari got older, wiser, and more vocal things became a little bit more challenging. She began to formulate her own opinions, express her feelings verbally and I quickly realized this little baby wasn't so little anymore. She was smart and I was proud but also terrified... I had entered a whole new ball game of motherhood - PARENTING.
She was growing up.
She was testing waters.
She was learning what actions caused reactions based on what I let her get away with and/or how I responded to them.
She was doing exactly what she was supposed to do, instinctively.
As for me... well I hadn't the slightest clue what to do.
I got so comfortable nurturing, rocking, kissing, nursing, feeding, changing and so much more and the idea of this labor-intensive period transitioning into an emotional, mental and communicative relationship didn't cross my mind... and it crept up on me FAST - I wasn't ready for it.
Before I knew it she was a little adult and saw herself as one too! I found myself in a power struggle. I am the boss was my mentality - a horrible one and not so oddly enough she acted that way too!
I found myself yelling to get my point across with her freaking out or yelling right back.
I was getting frustrated easily.
I was stressed out and sweating all the little things and going to bed at night hating MYSELF for how much better I could have handled the situation without really knowing HOW!
I wasn't always at my best - I needed help.
You see when you leave the hospital no one tells you how to LOVE and nurture your child - that happens instinctively - at least for most; however, what they should do is have a brochure or workbook that prepares you for those difficult days when your child needs more than just to be fed or changed - the period in which they need to be seen and heard and when their cries for it come out in morse code-like ways where we as parents often choose to fight or flight instead of getting low and going slow to nurture them.
Through Tia Slightham's parenting program and utilization of her tools, I learned how to navigate through issues I was having as a result of my previous parenting methods, or lack thereof. I know what works for my kid, how to manage each other's expectations (yes they have expectations of us folks), and how to make her feel seen and heard in a way that matters most to her. Every child is different, but the tools and tactics to get to where you want to be as a parent are achievable - I promise you.
I now know what I need to do - we have boundaries - we respect one another and everyone's happy and better at communicating effectively with one another.
If you're committed to change, whether it be related to sleep, food, siblings, school ANYTHING, and you're REALLY committed, then I can assure you better days are ahead and you will ENJOY your parenting journey!
Disclosure: Just be prepared - there are root causes and our historic parenting methods is the big one - but don't be hard on yourself... taking a step in the right direction by getting help to be better for your kids is definitely proof that they're lucky to have YOU as their parent.
Checkout @tiaparentingcoach, send her a DM, check-out her website, and get ready for massive change!
Here is a free resource where you'll Discover How To Avoid Tantrums, Whining and Unwanted Behavior without having to yell or spend more than 10 minutes.